Yao Shun Translation Tips on Practice - 「床前明月光」英語怎麼說?(中)

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「床前明月光」英語怎麼說?(中)

以下4個譯法的分別在哪裡?

牀前明月光
1. bright moon light. ----0
2. The bright moonlight by the bed. ----2
3. By the bed, the bright moonlight shines. ----4
4. The moon shines brightly as I watched by the bed. ----5

心水清的評論者不難看出,原來它們是按照一個連續統上的數值來排列的:譯例1最「直」;譯例4最「意譯」。

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
複製
創作
(直譯)
(意譯)
直譯意譯的連續統

即是說,譯例1完全是逐字對譯,不合英語的語法,譯例2則詞序稍有調整,變成符合英語語法的句子;譯例3卻保留了原文的詞序,但是添進了一個動詞(shine),效果是更通順自然;譯例4卻加入了第1身代名詞作為全句的主詞,唸起來最地道英語。

譯例每句後面的數目字代表該譯法在直譯意譯連續統上的位置(數值越大,自由度越高)。

你以為哪一句最理想?你的決定,反映出

(1)你對「詩」這一種文體的認識、立場、感覺(怎樣寫才是「詩」、才有「詩味」、「詩意」……)

(2)你對翻譯工作的認識、立場(怎樣譯才算「好」、詩應該怎樣翻譯)。

如果你(像好多初學翻譯的朋友那樣)對譯例1嗤之以鼻,認為如此字譯太「低B」「老土」,不入流不足為法,別忘記那是幫助老外全面認知一首中國格律詩的一個方法,讓不懂漢字的讀者藉此逐字推敲,從中體會到原詩的結構與「感覺」。

在現實生活中,逐字對譯不時產生意料之外的效果,對某些翻譯工作特別合適。

教訓:字譯、直譯,即使好極端,不必當它無聊無意法,有時可發揮最大的效果。

不過話說回來,此4個譯法大概都搞錯了原文語義一個重點,所以嚴重誤導讀者(恐怕大部分中國人同樣搞錯),你知道問題出在何處?

請看下一篇為你解說。

參考:

名家英譯----

So bright a gleam on the foot of my bed---
Could there have been a frost already?
Lifting my head to look, I found that it was moonlight.
Sinking back again, I thought suddenly of home.
(Tr. Witter Bynner)

I wake, and moonbeams play around my bed,
Glittering like hoar-frost to my wandering eyes;
Up towards the glorious moon I raise my head,
Then lay me down---and thoughts of home arise.
( Tr. Herbert A. Giles)

I saw the moonlight before my couch,
And wondered if it were not the frost on the ground.
I raised my head and looked out on the mountain noon,
I bowed my head and though of my far-off home.
(Tr. S. Obata)

Seeing the moon before my couch so bright
I thought hoar frost had fallen from the night.
On her clear face I gaze with lifted eyes:
Then hide them full of Youth's sweet memories.
(Tr. W.J.B. Fletcher)

In front of my bed the moonlight is very bright.
I wonder if that can be frost on the floor?
I list up my head and look at the full noon, the dazzling moon.
I drop my head, and think of the home of old days.
(Tr. Amy Lowell)

I descry bright moonlight in front of my bed.
I suspect it to be hoary frost on the floor.
I watch the bright moon, as I tilt back my head.
I yearn, while stooping, for my homeland more.
(徐忠杰譯)

Abed, I see a silver light,
I wonder if it's frost aground.
Looking up, I find the moon bright;
Bowing, in homesickness I'm drowned.
(許淵冲譯)

Athwart the bed
I watch the moonbeams cast a trail
So bright, so cold, so frail,
That for a space it gleams
Like hoarfrost on the margin of my dreams.
I raise my head, -
The splendid moon I see:
Then droop my head,
And sink to dreams of thee -
My father land , of thee!
(Tr. L.Cranmer-Byng)

A splash of white on my bedroom floor. Hoarfrost?
I raise my eyes to the moon, the same noon.
As scenes long past come to mind, my eyes fall again on the splash of white, and my heart aches for home.
(翁顯良譯)

Bright moonlight before my bed
Seems like frost upon the floor;
I raise my head and watch the moon,
Then lower it down and think of home
(Tr. Christopher Evan)

其他英譯----

In front of my bed the moonlight is very bright,
I wonder if that can be frost on the floor?
I lift up my head and look at the full moon, the dazzling moon.
I drop my head, and think of the home of old days.

Beside my bed a pool of light---
Is it hoarfrost on the ground?
I lift my eyes and see the moon,
I bend my head and think of home.

I wake and moonbeams play around my bed,
Glittering like hoar froast to my wondering eyes.
Upwards the glorious moon I raise my head,
Then lay me down and thoughts of home arise.

A pool of moonlight before my bed
Shining like frost upon the ground
Gazing at the moon, I raise my head
And lower it again with thoughts of home.

Before my bed, the moonlight so bright,
Be frost on the ground, I suppose it might.
I raise my head and the moon I behold, then
I lower it, brooding: I'm homesick tonight.

Moonlight reflects off the front of my bed.
Could it be frost on the ground instead?
I look up to view the bright moon ahead.
Thoughts of hometown bring down my head.

Before my bed the bright moonlight
I think it's frost upon the ground
And raise my head to gaze at the bright moon
And lower my head and think of home

Before my bed there is bright moonlight,
So that it seems like frost on the ground:
Lifting my head I watch the bright moon,
Lowering my head I dream that I'm home.

In front of my bed is the bright moonlight
I suspect it is frost on the ground.
I raise my head to look at the mountain moon
Then I lower my head, thinking of my hometown.

I wake and moonbeams play around my bed
Glittering like hoarfroast to my wondering eyes
Upwards the glorious moon I raise my head
Then lay me down and thoughts of home arise

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